Three Words  Changes Everything
by EverythingYouWanted
Summary: Being fully re-written soon.
1. The Kiss  Jacob's POV

It is my first fan-fiction. I used to write a lot more than I do. Inspiration comes and goes so until I keep going with the writing I'd appreciate reviews, anything really. One chapter done, another one I'm so planning on doing in the morning.

Hoping to get a whole lot better.

Hope you like it so far.

Thanks for reading – Kellie Maire

**Change.**

It had been two hours since Jacob Black kissed Bella Swan.

It had been two whole hours since I, Bella Swan kissed Jacob Black back.

Two hours ago changed everything.

Everything.

One kiss, two hours and three words would change our lives forever.

** The Kiss.**

**Jacob's Point Of View **

'I don't have time for this. Not anymore, Bella' I spoke in a harsh tone' 'I suggest you get whatever you have to say to me now over with''

The silence that shadowed was undeniable. She glared up at me finally, blinked and then stared. We watched one another's expression as the atmosphere really hit us.

''just say it, say what you have to say and I won't bother you **ever** again.'

She stole a deep breath, closed her eyes though that wasn't enough to conceal the tears that was forming up inside her. In those beautiful eyes. It killed me. Even under all the circumstances I couldn't bear to watch her like this. Her hands dropped dramatically to her sides, turning away from my entire view.

I did the same. My breathing dropped abruptly and minus and means of considering my actions, my feet dragged in the rubble beneath until my arms were close enough to pull her closer. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. **Ever**. There was no way any leech was going to get their hands on _my Bella. My Bella. _Instantly I hesitated my fists curling at that exact sentence. Everything she wasn't. Not really.

God. I sighed and buried my face into her curls, blinking my eyes to a complete tight closing.

I couldn't do this anymore. I told myself over and over again.

The moment was enough and emotional enough to trap me. _My bella_. This beautiful human clumsy creature I cradled was marrying the leach. I snarled and every nerve in my body shook with anger. Shocked, broken and whatever else I had bolted up inside myself I held Bella tightly to my chest as I could manage. Her petite, fragile arms became wrapped around my waist, her face, that beautiful innocent face was no-where in my view. She tried to press herself closer; she couldn't manage it until I pulled her in.

Her face met mine and I couldn't take any of it. I couldn't speak, she did though.

'Jacob, I'm scared'. Her voice was slow, quiet and was enough to scare me in that second. ''nothing is going to happen to you Bella, I won't allow it, you hear me?''

Her nod wasn't enough. Urgh – nothing was enough.

''I'm sorry I'm such a terrible person'' she whispered, her throat almost dry as the words dragged out of her mouth. ''you deserve more than any-one to be happy, not this..''

I broke her off, feeling nothing but pure aggravation. Frustration.

''There's a serious fight about erupt and all I'm praying for is during it, they get me, someone who cares who, doubt either way, it won't be difficult to take myself out of the picture''

That's when she looked at me. Frozen, she looked beyond worried. Now she really was scared. I knew how she'd react to the words. Her mouth opened, gasped and she began to tremble as tears threatened to leave her eyes. It was anything but petite strokes of tears, large tears in seconds streamed down her face, one by one, again and again. I did not think it would affect her like this.

''No, No, Jacob NO' Bella pleaded, practically begging onto me. It wasn't enough.

''what did you expect, you being happy is everything to me but what did you think, I'd stay around and wait to be asked to be your best man at the wedding of the year. ?'' I hissed at it all, _her, _A Cullen. He really did have his hooks into her, deeper by the second.

"Jacob, I'm begging you. Stay with me." She continued to tremble and cry. I attempted to break away. ''and miss the fight? You've got to be kidding me, Bella''

''NO, we'll talk, about things, us, everything, stay, you have to stay here''

"You're lying." I narrowed my eyes. "Please." Was all she could force to say. ''I can't lie, never to you. Look in my eyes, you know me, you could tell if I wasn't telling the truth'' she wasn't thinking, at all. Did she have any idea how impossibly hard it was for me at all? To stare at the women I'd die for, the women I love through everything and continue to be here for her and her only? Nah, Bella had no idea.

I didn't remember doing it, but breaking away I threw my hands above my head and I just could not take this any-longer. My feet dragged at such a pace I jumped expecting to phase with it all. I needed to – I was all bolted up, two legs and with the anger of the situation I had to run, break free. Never look back. Though being the weak Jacob Black I did look back. Looked back to look at her. The crumbling Isabella Maire Swan in tears and I questioned my letting go. Weak boy.

Turning, blinking surprising myself I wasn't in tears, I felt like the tears shouldn't dropped a long time ago, dropped and never stopped.

Once again, my hands forced into fists, my mouth opened and there was no plan at all on what to say, but dammit, I loved her.

I loved her.

Why did I have to love her?

Urgh- kill me now.

"Come back," She whispered, but I just shook my head. ''Please..'' she continued and I was the one to turn half way back on my feet towards her ''I LOVE YOU'' I practically screamed in her direction.

Now look who was crying. Weak Jacob Black.

There's many stuff that I can't stand about her right now. The fact that I love her so much, that It made me hate her about it, for making me feel this way. The chance that she might choose him over me. The chance that I could never accept.

If she had the nerve to return the same words, I'd so much doubt in believing her. She'd still wouldn't change things. Nah. She's vampire girl remember. –

I had lost my voice. Apparently so had she.

Bella looked stunned. She was a statue, unmoving and unbreathing. I became suddenly calm. "I love you, Bella." I added in a soft murmur. And this time, I meant it. We weren't as far apart. She knew exactly what I said. The first and second time. I maybe weak, but not weak enough to repeat it a third without any response.

Her mouth opened, slowly, closed – opened. For the love off – ''I love you Jacob'' With time , effort and strength I simply did not have much off I calmed myself down to an extent. The situation wasn't what was driving me metal more like my fists, my two hands. The shaking was to un-helped. While I waited for my heart to slow, my mouth just opened, again, ''not enough. "_If_ you could convince me you really did want me to come back - more than you wanted to do the selfless thing." I added, and she asked me again.

"How?"

I enjoyed this part. Making her say something that I'm pretty sure that she'd regret. I smiled. "You could ask me,"

"Come back," She whispered, but I just shook my head, smiling.

"That's not what I'm talking about." My heart thudded audibly against my ribs and my breath seemed to get stuck in my throat.

The deep breath she took was so clear. She attempted to think.

Come on Isabella, give me a proper reason to stay alive, tell me you really love me.

''Kiss me, come back Jacob Black and kiss me –'' Was it enough to change everything? Would it change everything? Nah it was a trick. She was getting better at those. Learns from the best, that vampire.

I had to kiss her. This would change everything. One kiss. Three words. Bella. _My Bella. _

Of course, either way, it'll make that little blood sucker as irritated as hell.

Her mouth opened. Say it once more, come on Bella. Ask me one last time.

''you don't really mean it..'' I mumbled, though intently loud enough for her to understand the few words that dropped from my mouth.

''I mean it, kiss me, I'm asking you – I want you to kiss me''

I didn't care for a repeat. Well maybe a tiny bit. That didn't matter. Nothing mattered any-longer. Next thing I knew my hands clasped around the small of her back, my eyes attempted to examine her own. Impossible. Was it ?

I was in such pain as it was that this could be the very thing to make me mean the words I spoke only moments ago. The negative out of this almost scared me.

I stared back at her. Her face was expressionless, observing me. Now she was questioning me. I closed the gap between us with one last stride to her side. Then she didn't move an inch. Her face tilted purposely andno more than a second after leaning in to capture her mouth upon mine, her hand was upon my cheek.

_Please love me back. Please be mine. _

The feeling was more than I had ever expected. It took a few seconds but she was kissing me back. Again and again. God, never let this end.

Her lips moved with mine, in strange ways that I knew she wouldn't do, with me at least. It was different. My arms, they were strong but my knees were far too weak.

Her fingers were in my hair in seconds, pulling me down to her, getting rougher. Braver.

That's it Bella, good girl.

My grip on her waist tightened that bit, the opposite hand traced circles upon her back. Slowly. Again and again. Never stopping anything. Never daring to stop. I am astounded by the fact that she wasn't pulling away, but pulling me closer and closer to her. I thought that she knew that she didn't feel anything for me.

Goosebumps.

Her previous words rang inside my head. More as her lips broke away from mine. No. not enough, please no. Bella? She gulped, took a breath, and without any words, her view stared upon myself. She leaned in this time, my head tilting this time. Our mouths caught one another's at the same time, this was different. Not for a second did our lips break this time. If anything the passion took on a whole different meaning.

Her hands, they travelled. One settling at the nape of my neck, pulling at the few hairs in that one spot. My hands rubbed her back this time. My heart dropped, I could feel her skin tingle. Again and again. I loved it.

It was quiet, just the thud of my heart hammering inside my chest, the broken rhythm in our breathing became more evident, and the whisper of both lips moving in synernonizaton.

It did not stop.

My world settled into its upright position.

Our faces tilted in different directions once more. This time our mouths broke, we didn't look. No, they found one another's instantly, my hand grasping hers. She was the one to squeeze it and I melted. What was happening?

_Be brave._

There was a new sense of urgency to the way her lips moved on mine.

There was a sense of loss as they broke.

Be brave.

_Don't open your eyes Bella. _

My mouth moved slowly across her cheek bones, teasing a spot down her jaw, as she squeezed my hand once more, though tighter, very tighter, I tested the waters and dragged upon mouthed kisses down her entire neck.

Her legs trembled, her chest shook and I swear some-where in there I heard what sounded like a slow gasp.

Her fingers felt weightless in my palm, this time, I squeezed them into hers, her fingers parted, mine copied and they clasped together.

My mouth though slowly returned upon hers, hers greeted mine with a smile. A smile?

She smiled against my mouth?

Breath Jacob, for the love of god breath.

It lasted seconds, it was a slow kiss until her lips parted, our tongue glided along my bottom lip instantly and I sank, oh god.

My mouth parted, her tongue forced itself upon mine.

I responded so naturally. She did the same. The force on our hands tightened together and the hand that grasped her back moved to her face. My thumb stroking her cheek so softly.

Breaking away was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Why did we need to breath.

_Bella? _

I paused, and bent down to give her a soft, and gentle kiss on the lips. I placed my hand on either side of her head, and gave her a sweet and quick peck and then I wrapped my arms around her, to hug her, along with everything else. What I noticed and I knew she did too, that wasn't just some kiss and she wouldn't leave go off my hand.

I gulped and I could just about sense her racing breathing still in shock. Mine no different.

I felt fingers drift onto my chin, angling my face forward.

''Jacob?'' she questioned her voice still a whisper.

I nodded. I could not speak.

She tugged upon my fingers, never letting go, just squeezing, I returned it smiling softly. Praying she wasn't going to run off.

Her eyes clearly and very much slowly questioned me but wouldn't let me talk.

''I love you, Jacob, I love you to''

_Was she serious? Oh god. _

I could only imagine my expression. Serious. Shocked. Smiley. Beaming.

I pulled her face towards mine and she pressed her lips to my cheek inhaling.

''I love you Bella, god I love you so much''


	2. After the kiss: lost and foundBellaPOV

_I so badly wanted to write this yesterday, a lot happened and now I was so desperate hence why at 11pm I went to grab the laptop. Hope this won't suck seeing as I can't think as well. Noticed a tad few mistakes spelling wise in my last chapter – my sorry! It's up and thanks for reviews so far. Planning on a few more chapters for this story, and planning on not being so dumb-founded inspiration wise on the next chapter. - - Kellie Maire _

**After the kiss – lost and found. **

**Bella's Point Of View : **

I was certain I was staring. More than certain – I was staring. My view secure and immovable upon one man. One person. I couldn't get my head around what just happened. – oh god. What have I done?

That question was gone no more than seconds later as my lips turned into a gentle smile. Small but enough. I questioned my expression though I understood really. What did this mean?

I knew that also. It's called denial.

Gulp.

Jacob was right. He'd always been right. I loved him**. I do love him**. I just said it seconds ago and truthfully I meant every word.

''_I love you Bella..oh god, I love you so much''_ his tone barely a whisper but soft enough. Those words. The truth behind them really sunk hard. Hit hard. This was more than words and a kiss. It was so much more than this. We both knew it.

I returned his smile, it was so gentle. I crushed my face into his shoulder, pressing my lips to his skin, just the one time. I hadn't realized I did it, the thought I never thought through. What I did think through was never letting go off our hands, the thought caused my eyes to force to a tight closing – truthfully letting go scared me. My feelings right now scared me.

In my head it was all happening again, leaving further guilt. And the shocking truth – for the first time, I didn't want to think of Edward.

_The feeling was more than I had ever expected. His lips were soft and loving, moving against mine in strange new ways. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking. There was a new sense of urgency to the way his lips moved on mine. As his lips worked his hand wandered up my waist, across my shoulder, to grasp the hair at the base of my neck. He held me closer so that every part of me was tingling with warmth. When we finally parted it was only to breath. My stupid human instincts told me my lungs were empty of oxygen. I could taste our scents mingling together in the air between us as we gasped for air. Then we started again. _

I was engaged – Edward Cullen, my entire life and here I was wrapped in the arms of my best-friend, confessing how I felt, when I barely knew how I felt prior to any of this, this was going the opposite to how I imagined. I was doubting everything. This wasn't how I was expecting this day to go. Sure, my life was filled with unexpected things, but for all the oddities like werewolves and vampires, there were a thousand little normal things like homework, grocery lists, and reruns on TV. I supposed this fit in the latter category, though. A group of girls going shopping was normal, right?

_Two dark haired children, a little house that the entire thing would be done up with our own tastes and likes, a nursery that would be decorated as a belly grew day by day, expected a baby as the result of pure love, those children would be beautiful, slightly dark skinned, hazel nut eyes on both, smiles that both parents would ensure would only widen not any less, they wouldn't need money or new things every day for the reason behind those precious grins, the laughter. Was it normal to imagine all this now with someone I wasn't actually engaged to. Someone who I only ever saw as my best-friend._

And now?

Another cold breeze passed and I barely noticed. The warmth was trapped beneath the thick layer which served just as a fur coat would. I watched silently as time passed. My eyes keeping shut for the moments that followed. Listening, remembering, feeling.

Everything that left further guilt in the pit of my stomach.

I knew what happened. I asked for it. I'd no regrets. Though I was engaged to someone else and the guilt took on a life of its own in the minutes that tortured me.

We had changed so much. From that first day on the beach when I had been a clumsy girl trying desperately to flirt with a young boy. Jake had taken anything he could get from me, which had been a relief since I was never really sure it was going to work.

Then I had fallen apart after he had left. I had gotten into adrenaline fuelled sports. I was unpredictably wild, always trying to please everyone around me. Charlie, Angela, Mike. Jessica, Eric, even my school teachers. That was until Jake saved me.

He'd do anything for me, for my existence. That never had to be questioned.

I felt myself shudder and the tension returned to his massive frame. But instead of pulling away his fingers threaded through strands of my locks. Slowly. Carefully.

In the up-coming moment I felt so slowly Jacob's mouth edging near my ear, ''I just want you to love me'' it was a simple statement and it shouldn't have surprised me. He had the power to take my breath away with no more than a few words.

"Bella.." He breathed, taken by surprise his eyes darting up to finally meet mine. I stared back at him expectantly. It was obvious to me as his eyes darted such sadness as I stood word-less. ''I'm sorry'' I let the few words escaped, meaning it. I was sincerely sorry. Though his ''don't be'' seemed to let on he wasn't sorry, not for what happened. That I understood. I smiled lightly; I brought my free hand up to stroke his face. I pushed my hand higher to run it through his soft hair. He sighed contentedly. ''gosh, don't be''.

. He looked at me intensely, not smiling anymore. He was breathlessly anticipating my next move. Slowly I moved my head forward closing the distance between us as our lips met.

_What was I doing?_

_Not thinking._

_Was I?_

_Maybe I was just not facing the truth…_

_Stop thinking and feel god dammit._

The heat from Jacob's skin burned right through my thin cotton shirt as he pulled me close. In result questions left in an instant. Though I felt something inside me break. Slowly and it stung. The guilt felt hundred times worse. Impossible. But it did.

This one, which I felt would be a last kiss. For now or not. It was much slower, full of undeniable passion. His lips captured mine the second time and I felt myself fall into Jacob Black's arms.

I wasn't used to this.

Urgh – why did it have to be so amazing.

He seemed to slow down then, and kissed me more softly. Both of his hands slid up to hold my face between them. One of my hands reached out to grasp the hand he had only just placed upon the side of cheek. My thumb stroking his as the kiss came to an end.

'' Jake..'' I breathed, breathless. Speechless.

I looked over at him and shook my head, and all of the sudden it was like my emotions went crazy, because I was blinking back tears and holding back sniffles, and automatically I leaned into him. Jake wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. He rubbed my arm up and down as I tried to regain control over myself.

I don't know how he did it, but somehow Jake always made things better, even if he was the one who made things worse in the first place.

'' I have to go'' he whispered staring, ''I'm not saying good-bye, I can't. I will see you very soon, everything will be okay.. honey''

He leaned in and kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes as he did. And then I suddenly felt cold. I opened my eyes and looked up. Jake was gone.

I felt more lost without him now than before.


	3. Doubts, Questions, P a I n

**Doubts, Questions, P a I n**

Before staring at blank spaces, grabbing into the dark silence, desiring no more than to drop on the rubble beneath me, visualizing crumbling as I just broke down, into loud or even faint sobs, my eyes opened, my lips parted to whispered "Good-bye, Jake," but he was already gone. I was alone.

This time though, I _never felt_ more alone in my entire life.

And alone is something I felt once to many not so long ago.

The sun was just about to dip under the horizon. It was beautiful.

_**Doubts. Questions. Pain. **_

I was tearing everyone apart.

Jacob - He filled the kiss with all of his love, passion, and dying hope. He filled it with his sadness and despair. The feelings he conveyed through that kiss were overwhelming. He loved me. No not just that, he was _in_ love with me. That man always loved and I'd a feeling no matter the out-come would always love me. This kiss made me feel like I truly was his soul mate and that the fact that I was ultimately rejecting him would leave him lonely forever. _He needed me._

Kissing Jacob left me wishing to just run, in my clumsy human state, get out of here, not that I knew where I'd go. Not that leaving was any option right now. Knowing me and my talents I'd more likely get lost or go in the right route except I'd lead myself right into the trap of the enemy. _Victoria. _

Kissing Jacob left me questioning everything, e v e r y t h I n g .

With Edward – I'm home, I'm loved, and I'm with my present and future.

Then with Jacob, I'm with my past, present and possible future. The only boy in my life prior to relocating to Forks years ago now. With Jacob, I'm surrounded and smothered in undeniable warmth, I'm safe and doubting the love he sheds upon me wasn't even an option, Jacob wasn't my Jacob, _my best friend_ without the love he just laid right upon me. I'd_ always_ be loved. Jacob left me wanting everything that isn't thinkable with Edward. He makes me doubt everything and for the first time ever as he broke away and left it was something I truly if I was any bit honest with myself, him and my heart, I never wanted him to leave.

_This isn't normal. _

_**Two loves, one decision, too much for any human. Anyone. **_

Deep down, deep deep down I already knew what I wanted. How to fix everything and what to do. I'd the key to my heart and the answer scared me beyond explanation due to loosing someone else.

_I can't do this. _

_**I can't lose him. **_

**A response I did not want. **

Edward was standing upright, motionless waiting for me as I gathered the courage and feeling back in both legs to return. When I did leave truthfully I wasn't ready but staying more venerable than previous moments and alone wasn't safe. Not right now with the circumstances.

He was waiting, standing there; his expression told such a story that from a distance I was in pieces. I did that to him. Prior to even knowing everything. From me any-way.

_Did he see it all?_

_Any of it?_

_Breath, stay calm. _

_One breath- two, good – three. _

_Four – oh crap, his expression. _

I'm a horrible person. I knew that much.

_What have I done? _

There wasn't any time for doubting, thinking or any of that right now. Next I knew, staring on Edward was already half way walking towards me.

_I didn't deserve him. _

His arms reached for me immediately. My head hit against his chest in the same instant.

''Ssssh, love it's okay.. .'' he hushed; he was hushing me, _really?_

_Definitely don't deserve him. _

Was he serious, where was my hard time, the words I didn't need to hear but expected and deserved a lot more than 'it'll be okay…'

_Kill me now. _

''it isn't okay, not even a small bit Edward'' I pleaded, my eyes falling into the depths of his eyes, drowning.

_How selfish was I ? _

''I am so sorry'', I continued, my words got lost in my mouth a long time ago and there weren't any, no explanations. The thing was, I was sorry. For everything. For asking Jacob to kiss me in the first place and never stopping.

_Oh god. _

"Don't apologize, love," he said softly his thumb rising to stroke my bottom lip ever so slightly. My eyes grasped to a complete shut then and there. He gave a gentle smile. "You don't have to say it, love," he returned softly, ''I just wish you hadn't asked him that is all, but it is alright love.'' I sighed softly. I'd no chance to continue or attempt anything else ''you love him.'' He said so simply, so confident in the words he just spoke, no dodging it, it naturally came out of his mouth, word by word.

I had to stop him.

'' I love you'' I interrupted seriously, and I did, I always did and I always would love him.

He flinched at my choice of words, and the feeling, a ball of sadness collect in my throat, it got worse.

''Edward, you know I love you, I love you more'' my voice trailed off.

''I need you..'' – I rushed to finish -

"Jacob needs you, too," he finished. My eyes flew up to meet his and he nodded sadly.

"I always knew that you loved him, Bella. Even when you didn't. I knew that eventually the time would come when you would realize it, and that it would end our relationship."

_I couldn't listen to this. _

_I felt like telling him to shut the – up._

''Stop''. I practically was close to begging at this stage.

"You would regret not being with him. His thoughts about you have betrayed him more times than he would care to admit – I know that you were destined to be his mate, and I have worked hard to convince my heart that this is your true path."

_Could not hear this. Why wasn't he fighting any longer. Harder. _

_Why was this happening? _

''you're my soul mate, I love you, this just happened, you c.'t be saying this, thinking this, please?''

''I love you'' he spoke as my view shifted to the ground beneath. My voice breaking in previous paths seconds ago at the reality of the situation.

I barely knew it myself yet he'd it all figured out apparently.

He smiled down at me gently, his left hand reaching up and tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes and bit my tongue.

''I love you so much'' And then Edward kissed me. He filled the kiss with all of his love and dying hope. He filled it with his sadness and despair. I responded minus the fact that I felt like life was sucking out of me, emotions pulling me left and right, where it hurts and making everything worse. I responded like nothing was wrong – nothing was wrong last time I returned a kiss.

'' I just need some time, clear my head about it all, please Edward'' he nodded in agreement. I gulped down a bunch of emotion actually considering thinking this through.

His expression lowered to mine. Examining me all over again.

''Jacob although even I hate to admit it, he can give you so much. Not things but stuff that I could never. You could live a very long and happy life with him, have children, stay happy, that is all I ever wanted, that is all I ever prayed for, and Bella if I hadn't returned a year ago, you and him would be together by now, happy.''

I raised an eye brow in protest not fully understanding why he, Edward Cullen was admitting this aloud. To me. Now.

_Why? _

''your happiness is everything to me Bella''

''you are everything to me, Edward'' I rushed to correct. It was important I did.

Slowly but surely, his eyes connected with mine. I simply shook my head in response to his arrogance, rolling my eyes and pushing some more of my hair out of my eyes

My eyes were closed but I knew he was watching me.

_What just happened between us?_

_Why wasn't I fighting back? _

With a thick and heavy sigh, I refused to re-think the reality of this situation. The reality being he wasn't fighting and instead was admitting everything he should not be. Things even I wasn't admitting. There was so much wrong with this.

So much.

There comes a time where the past will do nothing but suppress your inner thoughts. There comes a time where you need to think hard and remember reasons for choosing certain situations. Last year, I left Jacob for Edward. I left the person who did not leave me for the person who left. I got on that plane with his sister, and would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I ever needed to. I did it because I loved him, because I couldn't let him think I was really dead and do the un-thinkable.

''What are you thinking?'' he questioned. Not the first he asked those words either.

I squinted my eyes almost a little too automatically at that thought. I was in such refusal to even listen to Edward Cullen.

It didn't last long. ''this is silly, I love you, okay? No more talking'' I laughed it off. Until seconds later really realizing this was anything but silly or funny.

_Idiot._

''you don't know what you are talking about'' he struck back, seriously, raising an eyebrow in the process.

Why was he always the serious one?

_Why god dammit? _

''don't I? I know exactly what I am on about, I just wish you did to'' I snapped wishing I hadn't but emotions were all over the place as it was.

He was not helping.

So many things have changed clearly.

So much had been learned in the last year. Before that.

There's a reason goodbyes ain't easy, it doesn't work that way. One of the downsides in practically everything we do these days. Hearts weren't meant to be broken, promises and words weren't either.

So many reasons none really explainable but things are clear, Goodbye's aren't easy, hearts from your real love isn't so pose to be broken. Nor were promises. These things among others was something I went through only coming out of that frame of thought now, The reason ? He was it, if the formed pull wasn't strong enough the first time around, him leaving, things changing, returning only increased the constant magnetic force between us .

It all happened for a very pressing reason. Thankfully.

He was in simple terms now like a shadow, refusing to budge, not that with him I wanted that i need him by me , I wanted him, in each given way he would allow.

Why was all that changing?

Why was it so hard for a simple 'YES' the first time asked to be ?

_Why did I still doubt this?_

I starred unwarily around me, as if I was looking for something as if something happened to have caught my eye. – nothing.

Blinking a couple of times my own eyes adjusting still, merely more from anything the dimmed brightness of a surprising sun was clearly still out to my own shock.

My brain disconnected from my body, and I was seriously questioning every single thing. All the plans, my plans, our plans. This was too unexpected and I couldn't deal with this. This wasn't the worse problem. There was still the threat. What to do after _she_ was gone.

I was in love with Jacob. Which seemed obvious enough. No it didn't, I'd to give myself the benefit of the doubt there because it was only moments ago (moments that seemed like dragging hours) that I was slowly forced to figure out that truth, now I was in love with him more than I should be. More than allowed. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change everything.

_Or was it?_

''Edward?'' I pleaded, forcing myself to stair up.

''ssshh, Bella don't worry, love, it will be okay, things will get better okay?'', against his chest, where he couldn't see, the tears welled up and spilled up.

I needed that.

Not that I was having a strong, loud or big cry but holding it back was becoming overwhelming and way too much for anyone to handle.

There's a limit.

I overstepped it a long time ago.

Out of no-where, Edwards's cold hands tangled through my locks. I shuddered guiltily at every touch.

''I want to die, let her get me and everything will be a-okay''

My comment was quick, I meant it and instantly after blurting out those words I smashed my head further into the depths of his chest. Begging to fade away.

_Please. _

'' I will never ever allow that to happen, no matter what will happen, I won't allow anyone to touch you, and you are not a bad person Isabella Maire Swan'' I groaned as he whispered.

He must've hit his head. – Hard.

A part of me wished he had, as awful as that sounds I only wished that due to the fact that at least then he'd have a reason perhaps for this acting.

My head snapped up as I grabbed his hand tight into my own.

''why aren't you any bit angry? '' I questioned finally gathering the courage to question exactly what I was attempting to figuring out for too much of a long time now.

''I'm not mad at you, you are just human after all, so he is, And Bella..as much as I'd rather wish it wasn't true or admit it aloud, there will always be holes left I could never fill that Jacob could, you both could, that I understand, I could never hate you –''

''no holes, none, please stop, you filled every single hole possible'' I murmured gently. Slowly to try at least to get it across.

I knew one thing I did not go into this with an agenda.

Nor would I ever.

''just stop being nice, please?'' he was so silent for a moment I questioned if he even heard my words.

I didn't give him an opportunity for a response or another nice comment or remark.

No more out of him. – not now.

I tried to forget every feeling, what just happened, what would happen.

I pulled myself against him and crushed my mouth to his. Though it lasted no more than a moment. Not what I intended.

''you don't have to do that'' he mumbled as I broke away from him.

_Things were changing too much. Too quickly._

Crushing my face into my palms and staying in that position for longer than I had meant.

_no. no. NO._

I turned so quickly I barely remember moving at all – ''seems I do have to do that, you wont' listen to me ''

I craved to throw my arms around him, once more forget.

This time though things changed.

He threw his arms around me, pulling me though gently and pressing his lips finally upon mine.

_Feel Edward. Don't be scared this time. _

It lasted shorter. It was my fault. I was the one to pull away this time. For no reason

So I tried to convince myself of that. For a second at least.

I lowered my head not daring to look. Breath. Think.

_Now kill me? PLEASE._

"Oh, look at the pretty picture," Jacob snarled from only a short distance.

My mouth fell open. "The vamp girl and her leech back together again." I became practically dizzy with confusion as my mind fought to make sense of what he was saying. _Back together again? _

Then it hit me. Jacob had overheard their conversation and assumed. "And they all lived happily ever after." He laughed acidly.

_Assumed? What was I saying? _

_That denial thing. Again. Wonderful. _

His shoulders were tight with tension and he trembled with the effort it took to keep from phasing. He shook his head violently.

"No, Jacob!" I practically screamed back. "You don't-"

He threw up one hand in different directions, like he was blocking words from his ears. "I don't want to hear it, Bells," he whispered brokenly.

My heart ached momentarily. The pain never left. It got worse.

I crushed to my feet.

But then, his tear-filled eyes met mine, and those hopes were instantly crushed. "My heart just can't take it anymore." With that, he turned and left.

Edward rubbed my back soothingly. "It's ok, love," he said softly, "He'll be back. He just misunderstood – but he can't stay away from you long, I promise."

That I shook away. Next thing I knew I was running, my legs dragged in paces but I ran as if I was being chased. For all I knew I might have been.

''JACOB, PLEASE'' I begged, tears flowing down both cheeks.

He misunderstood. Oh god.

_Now I was doing what I didn't want._

_Apparently I did._

_I loved him._

_Now I was feeling. _


	4. Could Be Should Be , Bella POV

**Could Be, Should Be**_  
><em>

My breathing increased rapidly. My feet when I stopped, if I stopped would definitely fall off. I was certain of it.

As I ran, as I ran to catch up with him, beg him to at least listen. – not that I'd blame him if he wouldn't.

Minutes ago I doubted and was practically begging those thoughts to leave for good but that helped nothing_. I loved him,_ I don't care how angry he was right now or not thinking, I'd to that later for him if I had to. Now, now I was sprinting to beg him to just listen to me.

_So much explaining. No words. _

_Crap. _

As I ran, sudden howling nearby caused every nerve in my body to stiffen dramatically. My legs caved and I felt every muscle in my body kill, breaking at points and my head although stiffened rushed to turn.

The noise repeated, louder, closer.

This was it.

I was left, unprotected, now and after a few moments _I'd get my wish. _

_She'd_ get her wish.

I stopped in my pace. My surroundings were the definition of blurred and minus being aware sudden tears burned my eyes and my reflection was blocked for no more than seconds leaving me further venerable.

_I was alone. _

_Unprotected. _

_Venerable._

My eyes quivered. New worry rushed into the passing seconds as all that surrounded me was trees and quietness that didn't feel good. I didn't have time to think. Not about what had happened nor what could happen. Everything was blurred and doubtful. I was weak. My two legs gave in and next thing I knew I was a mess upon the gravel. Both eyes shut tightly as I concentrated on breathing in any normal pattern. ''this was it'' I reminded myself, over and over far from addicted from this trill.

I was going to lose everyone.

The greatest fear in my heart had come close to being a nightmarish reality several times, and this time I was literally staying put to automatically without fighting un-like the rest. Maybe it was better this way. Over and done with so quickly that perhaps no one else would get hurt. I was going to lose everyone. I was putting myself in place at hand. I was dying for the people I loved.

I was going to lose Edward.

I was going to lose Jacob.

My breathing stopped.

I didn't move. Just tilted my face upwards at the sound of someone peaking near.

''this is it'' I thought inhaling so deeply as I blinked tears away that had been kept at a barrier for what felt like a long time.

Heart beating rapidly, loudly like it was trying to break into pieces by itself, while my feet stayed rooted beneath the ground.

Low pleading not near enough to touching yet but I knew it was getting closer. I was conscious of the figure bowing down, getting that bit closer to the pray.

I could feel my figure shake as I stuck paralysed to the rubble beneath.

I frowned and realized in seconds this really would be it. I was dying for the people I loved the most and it was evident my reactions were how they should be.

Suddenly, and I mean suddenly out of no-where a voice, a familiar voice stared down to me, the angel caught each tear that stained my now soaked face.''Breathe, Bella, breath honey..'' I struggled to do as asked. I struggled to understand why he came back to me when..''Jacob, I'- I.. I'm..'' I struggled, my words dropped and panic reached my cheeks. ''Sshh Sshh, breath'', next thing I realized was his face in my neck whispering comforting words, hushing me further so my panic subsided for at least seconds. My eyes tightly grasped to a tight shutting. My breathing became panting. My teeth locked together '' I really do love you'' I mumbled though my eyes never opened.

He froze for half a second, before the tension oozed out of him. Jacob didn't stop to question it, didn't stop to wonder why – all that mattered to him in that moment was the feeling, listening and really honestly believing me this time. ''I know honey, and I love you Isabella.. no matter what will happen'' his lips brushed against the cool skin upon my forehead and placed another peck on the top of my head.

Another slower howl erupted through the skies, the leaves that were running themselves, the birds that were fleeing in groups of hundreds. Jacob's hold was only half on me this time, him being distracted, his eyes turning as the howling got louder. It was obvious what they were yelling for.

_Jacob._

One of his hands took away from me for a split second. A second that had me almost fall over. I wasn't able to hold my own strength through this.

_I was scared._

_This was it._

_And in seconds I realized I had to fight. I had to be stronger than any previous moments._

His arms rushed out to catch me, his arms shaking upon my own.

Our eyes caught, dramatically instantly pulling us both in.

Like so many times he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts, even in this very moment. He threw his other arm around me, crushing every inch of myself against his chest, binding me against him. Tightly. Refusing to let go. I hadn't wanted him to though.

He was right, and I knew he was right. Yet once again I really didn't care if my life had ended then, not that I wanted to end it, just that I didn't really care. The only thing stopping me was Jacob. That tall, masculine boy who has always been the one to stop me from being ridiculous and to brighten every sad moment I've had.

My breathing had kicked up a notch, standing in the middle of my throat.

His grip tightened just a bit from my waist as he sighed loudly, ''don't be scared, but I've got to get you back though honey''

There was so much to say, so much I only craved to say and never look back. Finding any words right now seemed far from reachable.

No more than half a second had passed, his forehead touching my cheek, barely. His eyes pulled me in once more, never once closing and I felt they didn't as mine did, he was trying to figure me out again. Though it was so much more than that, Jacob stared at me in a way that made and almost forced me to believe it was going to be okay.

I buried my face into the crook of his neck breathing deeply. ''this was it'' I repeated in my head no more aloud. I was slightly interrupted (thankfully) as his heat made my insides tingle.

Distracted.

I nodded weakly his hands drifting out to touch my face. Cradling it in his palms.

My eyes shut, but I felt everything.

He watched as my eyes slid closed, again and again. Then as wet patches formed as a result of more emotion really hitting. It was obvious he was realizing I was crying. I was just realizing it myself. I was trying to stay strong – I was refusing to be weaker than I was in this moment. I had a feeling it was to late for these thoughts though.

This silence more than the reality right now broke me to the extent that my lungs felt tight. He was heartbroken before we even talked – before I had time to really think. The silence and emotion was heart-breaking. It made me hate myself even more.

''Jacob'' breathing slower as my mouth hung opened gulping as much air as allowed.

Jake's arms constricted around me. I could feel every breath, every twitch of his muscles; every movement was echoed through his body and into mine.

I lost count of how many times my eyes re-opened or forced close all over again.

Or the time his fingers soothed a path from my temple to my lips. Gulping in the same second.

He loved me. I loved him. A lot was happening.

Numerous times I felt my expression being examined and I was so certain if his hold flinched even slightly I would fall right down. Out of his very reach.

The atmosphere had changed many times between Jacob and I, now was no different.

Time stood so still had it felt like hours ago he caught me.

''it will be okay, you hear me?'' he attempted so confidently in the words he spoke, as if the job he had was to make sure I knew it, to calm down and make it through this.

This was him doing everything he could to protect me. Starting with calming me down.

I gulped, this time I felt the tears appear. They stung before allowing them to just release. His thumb stroked my cheeks dry as I stared at him. _My best-friend. _

I placed my fingers upon his hand that touched my face. My free hand this time wiped the last piece of sadness away from my eyes and so automatically, I silently led out a struggled sigh and grabbed his neck downward pulling him towards me.

Any moment I would leave him. Unaware of how things would turn. Emotions flew high but as I captured his mouth upon mine I was more than aware of everything I was doing.

What happened was so soft. So slow and loving. My mouth was the first to part and there was no time wasting teasing this time, his mouth welcomed mine instantly and he yanked me forward as my knees buckled beneath his.

It got serious. Things got emotional. It was now or never.

My hands pulled his hair so roughly as he head bowed down to mine that bit more, I gasped as our tongues meet once more and this time as this ended.

_I was touching hands with someone seriously beautiful. I felt it burning and we were standing far to close. _

As it ended I never saw his face, I buried it instantly into his neck, squeezing the life out of his fingers, as tears streamed down my face.

I was scared.

He knew this more than I really realized.

''thank you'' my voice was barely a whisper. Though I understood why he lips turned into a gentle obvious relived smile all the same.

My lips pecked his the one last time as I held onto him so tightly afraid to loosen my grip.

Grasping a last tight embrace prior to his hands gripping my legs from under me. My arms tightened against his neck, my eyes shut through the entire thing as he ran.

Fast.

_**Got a Jacob point of view starting tomorrow so I'll upload as soon as I'm done that, this chapter honestly not my best work. Inspiration is lacking the less I write so honestly I hope it was okay and better than nothing. Sorry for the lateness. And this story still has more chapters left before any sort of ''and they lived happily ever after'' please review. **_


	5. The Real Fight Begins  Jacob POV

**The Real Fight Begins, Jacob's Point Of View**

It was safe to say I was having a hard time coming to terms with what happened. Right now I felt sick with nerves. Normally I'd imagine it would be from a certain effect Bella had on me (worse since the first kiss); now it was so much more than butterflies. Yes guys have that as-well and I'm certainly not ashamed to admit it in the slightest.

In my head the smart and the first thing I wanted to do after I picked her up only seconds ago was run in the opposite direction with my entire life and future in the palm of my hands and never look back.

_Not that easy was it. – Definitely still tempted though._

I distinguished I was no longer alone and my pace increased dramatically. Aware of her hands locking tightly around my neck I made sure when she looked at me she would know everything would be okay from now on no matter what. Honestly, it wasn't about having trust in the pack or even the pale freaks, I was aware of her emotions relating to this situation.

I gathered a sigh getting ready. I wasn't prepared for the pain that crashed upon me that any second I'd be leaving her. Letting her go this time was the definition of different than any previous moments I had to return her to the Cullen.

There was so much I craved to say. Though finding the words seemed un-reachable. It was evident I was debating in my head. Well I could imagine it seemed obvious.

No more than a half second passed, I hadn't realized her hand tugged mine until I felt the pressure for a second time. I wanted no more than to curl her up keeping her in my arms and not wake up. For this shit to be over and what happened between her and I today not be just because of a threat or in the spare in the moment. I wanted no more than to call her mine. I wanted to make her happy.

_Do not pinch me. _

I can no more imagine life without her then without living with my own heart.

''breath'' I reminded her in a whisper desiring nothing but to kiss away that frown and stay with her. But I couldn't and we both knew it.

What I really wished was that she had listened to me that time a year ago when the freak of a midget pixie stalked her, and ruined our lives, was that she had listened to me when I said ''stay with me''. How different and easy our lives would be now.

Stubborn girl.

Looking down at her one last time before I really had to run I frowned her expression. Her eyes were almost tightly shut, scared. She was so innocent so tiny in my palms and she was so scared. The thing was I hadn't imagined she was before, with him aware of the entire situation. Reality hid hard and thanks to that cold heart-less – bas-

_This is where they add in that beep on television _

She was in this situation all because of him and him only; yeah I hope he feels so guilty right now wondering where she must be.

The howling really broke loose this time. It was much louder than before and I could feel her fragile body shake beneath my own hands. ''sssh'' I hushed and I'd to be careful on my pace not to phase or even come any bit close to shifting as I ran. Any second I'd be there.

Her grip increased upon my weight and I watched her as she took her bottom lip between her teeth, her view closed as she bit. My heart stopped realizing I was there. Instantly the water building in the bridges off her eyes were more than evident. No matter how much she now repeatedly fought – attempted to fight them away. To think she could hide anything like tears from me.

Pressing my lips to the smudge of wetness the trails left, a heartless sigh left my lips as her eyes finally met mine. ''see you soon?''

Her petite voice cracks and at first barely understanding anything she was saying I realized that was why she was whispering. She was fighting back more emotion this time. Though I have to admit I was proud she let some of that build up emotion out at all. I was proud of the girl I held with all my life before my late leaving would take the impact of this fight.

''very soon'' I spoke so confidently really hearing what she said as I relived every detail of her.

Bella nodded upwards and attempted a petite smile.

My heart completely melted and sank.

My heart completely broke as her arms broke from my neck and somewhere in there she gathered the strength to allow her legs to stand still. Stay brave.

_That's my girl._

I knew too well we were being watched. I didn't mean by the threat. Actually screw that he was exactly that to me.

In the corner of my eye I knew Edward Cullen was watching.

This fight was only beginning and I did not mean only the red head evil Barbie and her little demons.

The fact that I was being read for a second made me smirk. Bella didn't see it, thankfully. I'd nothing to hide. If anything I couldn't hide my smug reasons for him to read and see what happened.

_Bella kissed me._

I'd no intention of looking away from my beauty just yet. Not even to see what reactions I was getting.

That wasn't even worth it.

Luckily he was alone; everything would go as it should. Battle wise I meant. It was important I re-thought that.

My direction eyed Isabella; my palm stroked the side of her head slowly.

''I will see you soon honey''

With that and a nod in return I finally, finally turned my head to watch _him. _

Weirdly he didn't seem that surprised. As I thought it his own smirk was so noticeable. My eye-brows raised in question but in return he shook his head.

Right no time to explain now.

_Time to fight the bitch. _

This time I returned my own smirk, watched my Bella a last time as she stared back my heart sank all over again.

''_good luck''_ I thought, honestly this wasn't me being all nicey nice, nah, not a chance.

What harm was a good luck when it meant her live would be spared. I gulped breakilly at the thought.

''_this fight is only starting'' _

**This is all for her. **

I was all bunched up in two legs and as I phased seconds after leaving Bella it honestly felt amazing to be free.

To really run. Sprint.

I was surrounded in mere seconds. So much for free.

Haha it was expected.

''_where the hell where you?_'' Quil questioned but I realized there wasn't time or a point in answers.

I said nothing.

I was there now.

No more questions were the least of my problems. The ground beneath shook drastically causing pure anger to erupt beyond any means of return I paced the run and it felt good. Fighting felt right.

While I ran off to fight miles away. It wasn't right. I should have been able to stay with her, to protect her, that didn't feel right, leaving. This didn't feel right. All I hung onto right now was that this was for her.

All around me, the chaos raged.

She had to be close.

''_there is a lot of them close dude'' _

''_shut up now you fool'' _stench burned my nostrils, and I thought Cullen stunk.

Ugh. I groaned realizing this really was happening. No turning back now Jakey boy. Finally stepping up in this world.

I slowed for a second at the realization-just long enough to see where I was.

''_Where the hell is Seth?'', _watching Leah it became clear he was with Bella. He was with my Bella. That leach too. Is she okay? Oh god I hope she's okay.

''_get a hold of yourself, love sick puppy, they are fine'' _

I snarled and backed away from her slowly.

I could hear Sam screaming in my mind, yelling at me to take down the others. Victoria's ''followers'' HA!

There was no such thing at time or anything any-longer. The one chance I had to glare around, I became utterly proud of our pack. It all blinked before I felt some attention turn to me at once.

The smell was too much.

My vision leaped towards Quil, who was at Leah's side. _'' he has her, and Bella hasn't been touched'' _an unbelievable sense of relief swam through every core in seconds. ''_thank you''_

They were all taken down one by one. Most of them at least. Couldn't get too cocky.

We were being approached. The adrenalin ran through my skin, like poison it consumed me.

I sprang for the creature in front of me. Growling aloud my paw's dug into the earth beneath roughly.

That's when I heard him shriek. I snapped my head around, pulling and ripping, as thought they put up a fight back, the anger, poison and adrenalin pulled me on.

My focus was her. My reason was her. Fighting was for her.

This was fate using its magic and I was fighting for the women I loved.


	6. I Was About To ReWrite Everything

**I didn't think I'd ever do this, one decision really changes everything and I was about to change everything…**

There wasn't a split second where since the moment Jacob and I had earlier that I sat down and thought it all through, that was the truth, I was confident in my statement. I hadn't in reality sat and ran through any options, not skimming the reality that I hadn't regretted any of it. The times I captured his mouth with mine wasn't all his doing.

But I loved Edward more than life or possibilities.

_There was another but. _

My breathing clutched in my mouth and I almost killed over with the emotion that hit hard as I took a real second to think about what was happening.

More like what would happen.

Jacob had made it obvious on numerous occasions how he felt. I never remembered a time where he didn't put me first, where my smile or life mattered a lot more than his own. See that was Jacob all over, he was everything great, innocent and amazing about this world. It was easy to love Jacob. Not loving Jacob because of the person he was seemed.. wrong. He was my best-friend. Jacob was so hugely important.

I hadn't thought what my life would be without him.

I hadn't realized how deep in this I actually was and it scared me.

What really shook me was that a year ago if I hadn't jumped off the cliff in my moments of depression and abandonment, if I had stayed with Jacob then, the more I really sat now and thought about it the more it hit more how life would be today.

Jacob loved me from the entire start, I nearly pressed lips with him even then but if things didn't go the way they did there really was no doubt that Jacob and I would be very happy today. I'd be lying if right now I hadn't assumed we'd perhaps be the ones getting married, ready to prepare for the day that we'd say our vows in front of our family. Promising to love each other until death too us part. No matter what.

Life would be the opposite too how it was today.

Although I was trapped in these thoughts and the reality of now I felt beyond guilty. Right now, I was extremely thankful I was kept on a mental mute.

Edward didn't deserve any of this especially what was running through my mind in this instant.

The guilt was killing me.

I loved Edward. God – did I love that man. He did not deserve any of this though and that made me feel guiltier as the seconds clocked by.

_I loved Edward _

_I loved Edward_

_I was marrying Edward._

_I agreed to marry Edward._

_Not that I agreed the first time, if you don't say yes the first time isn't that a clue something isn't right? _

Oh my god, stop thinking like that. Shut up Bella shut up dammit.

This wasn't how I saw things. This was not how I thought things would go when I begged Jacob to come back and asked him to kiss me. In my head it was one kiss, not an entire make-out session. More than once.

Ugh. This wasn't how I imagined things would go. I didn't think that kiss would be a wakeup call to feelings apparently I was brilliant at ignoring. And I certainly didn't think I'd be here, in my bedroom pretending to be asleep so Edward wouldn't see the look on my face.

I was aware though he knew I wasn't asleep, I laid on my side though my eyes barely closed this time. I felt his fingers grazing my back and I fought back the tears. My eye-lids shook as I lost in defeat.

I felt beyond awful.

Burying my head into the sheets, grabbing the pillow I shifted it slightly more to my face. I felt Edwards figure shift himself. Tilting beside me, wrapping his arms entirely around my shoulders and as he moved me, slowly to face me it became more obvious I'd been crying.

This time it couldn't be hidden. Though I knew he realized my emotional state prior to looking at me.

My mouth parted, I wanted to speak words that would allow him to maybe come to terms that I would be okay. Soon. But nothing came out.

Nothing.

''love, don't beat yourself up over this''

No response my way from that comment. From his all too gentle whisper.

Edward could be referring to two things.

It wasn't just the kiss. Plural kisses.

The end of the fight, the way it ended with Jacob was my entire fault. Yeah others and Jacob included would agree Leah was the blame, but I was blaming myself. Jacob got hurt. Jacob attempted to dodge the last one as I came into view minus the threat though still surrounded by her threats, and he got distracted. It was my fault.

It did not end with a bruise or a cut or one broken bone or any of the above didn't happen to anyone else, it happened to Jacob. He was at Sam's this second, in unbelievable pain.

''he is the way he is right now because of me. And so much is changing because of me Edward'' I spoke my voice lingered as low as a soft whisper towards him.

He sighed and I turned in defeat. His palms though gripped my shoulder and returned my view.

''He was there protecting you, you didn't cause this, Jacob would've done it all again to protect you and you and I know that, he will be okay, he is alive''

My eye-lids caved and shut for a mere second. I inhaled deeply, realizing how lucky I was to be alive, for all of us to be alive in one peace after this. I was still shaken up though and I was almost positive that showed as-well. Noticing Edwards raised eye-brow, I grasped his arm, sliding myself in an up-right position.

_He'll be okay. He's alive. _ I repeated to tell myself, in my head at-least.

I visibly relaxed. It was noticeable and as I shoved my head upon Edwards shoulders, his both palms grasped around my back, rubbing my skin above my shirt. I sighed, "I know," I muttered. The desire to look at him though seconds later was over-whelming, stroking his cheek bones with my fingertips I half smiled, ''thank you'' it was obvious what the thank you was relating towards, earlier. The fact that I was alive. Clearly a thank you wasn't enough. Nor would it ever be for that. I got a smile in return and it brought out a more real one of my own. I noticed a slight sigh of relief as my lips turned into a grin on Edwards part.

''I'd do it again in a heart-beat''. . I bent my head to his with that, and I kissed his forehead gently. This time, I was leaning into him, my legs I hadn't realized were close to his waist and his hold was upon my waist. This time, his fingertips were the ones to skim my face; normally I would be to close for comfort. This was different.

It made me smile being so close. Once again he returned my honest grin and I buried my head between his neck, pressing a single kiss to his cool skin kissing it gently, wrapping my arms around his neck so were practically hugging. It felt nice.

The reality was he wasn't pulling away. I hadn't done this on purpose, he knew that. Though to not be thrown away with such close contact and for it to be returned felt new.

His hands reached out to me. My hands met his, and I stroked his fingers. I pulled myself closer, and I hugged him closely to my chest. I relaxed into him, with Edwards's arms protecting and comforting me, our gazes caught. He smiled first and as I leaned in to do what felt natural in this moment and right, I captured his lips upon mine and returned his smile.

This kiss felt very, loving. Sweet and slow. For the first time as our lips broke, our eyes kept close still and he was the one to tilt his head into a different position, leaning forward I did the same and slightly shocked I returned the next kiss, the next lean and kept my eyes shut.

"Mmm…." His arms pulled our faces back together. And I smiled. Gulping silently as once more I leaned my head into his shoulders, shutting my eyes to a fact that really became truer now.

This didn't feel right.

It was obvious to me and I hated myself for realizing it as I kissed him back.

Oh god I gulped burying my face deeper but that seemed maybe too obvious as in seconds our gazes returned.

His expression examined mine instantly and I didn't like it.

''don't lie to yourself love, Bella love, it is okay''

Seemed he knew too. Maybe more than I did.

Denial , again, I knew. I always knew.

'' I am so sorry''

_The worst part is I could see it all – our whole life._

_And I want it bad, Jake, I want it all._

_I want to make you happy. Never stop loving you.._

I wasn't to an extent a great deal attentive to every part of all that was surrounding me. From the time when pulling up in the too familiar park way only just aware night fall was only perking above me.

My eyes seemed merely unaffected by the lack of light in this car. I was purely spellbound in to many thoughts for the previous half hour.

I stared widely at the distant moon against the roof of the car, my head tilted upwards a little bit, my hands balled into fists at my sides. As I couldn't fight back the already fallen tears.

Everything was happening in such a quick matter of time.

My eyes were burning with unshed tears behind the tightly squeezed lids; my heart thumping painfully, although I knew what I had done, what I chose it didn't take the heart-ache away.

That was a constant burning in the depth of my skin, my heart and right now it felt like it would never leave me.

The torture would continue to haunt me from the inside.

A high sigh escaped my lips as I slowly wiped my cheeks and make extra effort to clear my throat. His face was all I saw, and in the moment I shut my eyes before getting outta' my new car, that night looming was all that consumed me.

His pain, the moment when I nearly lost him was torturing me.

Someone, unknown to my knowledge at the present of who exactly, but with many phrases we've grown into custom towards, certain words involved, I couldn't help but wonder, to quickly ponder over the thought ; to whoever even came up with half of it.

'_everything happens for a reason,__'_

I was more than ever still letting that one sentence form my thoughts, belief instantly with simply a mix of words jumbled. In a small way the possibility of lingering over that amongst some other concepts happened to be something that in truth would make me want to scream. Even with attempt I backed away from trying to think of the reason behind so much, positives and negatives from a few situations. Though with the constant image playing back instantly the second an attempt would be made at shutting my eyes I saw the same thing.

The cold night's air hit me instantly as I slammed the door behind me.

''_everything happens for a reason';_ I continued to remind myself aloud as my feet dragged along the pavement.

_I knew my reason. _

I was about to re-write everything.

I was choosing my life.

And I could no longer doubt this, re-think any single thing.

_It was done._

Jacob was my reason.


	7. Sweet Dream Or A Beautiful Nightmare

**Dream: Jacob's Point Of View**

I wasn't attentive that it was in-fact dark. I'd been able to see everything so clearly and in so much detail. My eyes seemed merely unaffected by the lack of light. If I hadn't have seen the crescent shaped moon in the distance I would have presumed that it was day light.

My body was immovable as I stared broadly at the distant moon. My head slanted upwards ever so slightly, my hands balled into fists at my sides. A rough sigh escaped my lips. The soft breeze had no effect upon the already high temperature I had. Coldness didn't affect me like it would to a normal human.

I didn't have time to acknowledge what was happening when all of a sudden Bella was suddenly staring directly at me. Not in the way which she usually did either.

My eyes promptly unlocked extensively, as soon as everything clicked in my mind. Was it suddenly cold or was that just me? The light breeze which had been whipping my face to prevent the atmosphere from being muggy was suddenly an icy wind.

My eyes seeing observing Bella more clearly without the obstacle of daylight. Bella was different, altered this moment than she had been in the last. Her skin was unexpectedly as pale as the bloodsucker she was standing comfortably next to. Her eyes, crimson red, like her cheeks had once been. _Once been. Once. _

I wanted to scream, I wanted to scream, shout and cry all in the same moment. Scream that I knew that I was the only one who could have had a chance to prevent this.

Prevent her from choosing to suddenly end her life and her humanness just for the sake of being with him when she could have chosen me.

I waned to cry that she hadn't had chosen me, that no matter how much I proved to her my love, she would always be his. Where was the fairness anymore?

A hiss escaped my lips, my body crouched, ready to pounce, ready to change immediately into my non-human form. I just needed a second . . A second longer for my natural instants to kick in, a second longer for my mind to realise that it was no longer Isabella Swan standing in front of me, she was gone, her soul battered and bashed into nothing but a stone, marble body. She would never look at me the way she once had again .

She wasn't the Isabella that I once called _mine._

_Not any longer. _

Waking up from my own definition of a nightmare, a nightmare that could possibly be my reality any day now left me gasping for the natural rhythm in breathing.

It took some time. Then a bit more time.

I groaned, wishing it was more than a few (give or take) bones killed in the fight.

_Why do I never get what I want? _

Laying here boxed and tortured against four walls and a brick for a bed, how pathetic was it to say it was my only escape for rest in months. Not that this was really a nap or much rest.

I had fallen asleep as a result of the sharping pain cursing through my thick skin. I was trapped into a nightmare as a result of what I and my mind knew what was coming next.

Two hours and however more ago. That was the only dream that I'd ever live out. It didn't take long for myself to come to terms to that. As if mentally minus any awareness it was prepared.

Never fully though – I couldn't bear to give up. Not on her, but at the same time holding on was tearing me apart.

I don't know why I bother.

_Why didn't the bloodsuckers get me?_

Anything would've been easier than this, not that the pain I was in physically was much of a distraction. I was literally trapped bearing it along with the rest of the shit pain thrown at me.

There was nothing that didn't hurt to think about right now.

I needed her to know, how this was affecting me to be apart from her for just the tiniest second. I knew that I hadn't officially imprinted upon her, but who knew? Imprinting was something rare and something which I'd only witnessed once. Perhaps it was different experiencing it. I'd always read in Sam's thoughts and presumed that imprinting was just something that was more powerful than a force of gravity, I'd felt his feelings through his thoughts o our wolf form and presumed that the feelings I'd began to feel for Bella were identical. Do I have to wait a while before knowing that I've imprinted? I didn't know.

_I knew nothing. _

All I was really aware of was now every time my eyes were forced to close either through pain or the sting of tears building up once again I was left picturing what had happened.

_Again and again._

As my lips leaned in to capture her mouth upon mine for the first or last time, every single thing disappeared. I was in my happy place.

Me and Bella.

_All the possibilities?_

_Thrown away for the leach. _

I'd was always seen as her and him, the _perfect_ vampire which Bella had always seemed to adore. It had once been an innocent little fling for her to be dating a vampire who had sworn against his better judgment that he was selfish. Pffft,what went through her mind was something no one would ever be able to understand.

She never saw anything the way anyone else did, I mean, a vampire?

Yuk, the thought was beyond repulsing!

Today would be the day, however, when I would tell Bella about her other possibility. The safer possibility of her future. I was the safest thing for her. It had been there from the start, I would argue that it was there before we had met as childhood friends.

_I was the path her life was going to take; it would've been as easy as breathing for us. Effortless in every possible way. _

If the leach hadn't returned, _every _single thing would've been so different by now.

_We should've ran away when she mentioned that idea out of the blew._

Prior to another leach breaking me into more pieces, not that I really deserved it, (I blame Leah), Bella had actually agreed to call and listen. She'd talk to me about every single thing and I'd take that chance to open her eyes.

At this stage, I'm so weak don't be so surprised if I start begging her at one stage.

Ha the thought.

I'd totally do it though that's the sad thing.

_Sigh._

My arms dangled at my sized, the butterflies building through the pit of my stomach.

My eyes tightening as my vision became blurred. The door creaked but I assumed it was the storm looming over La Push, none to my surprise.

Her face was the first thing which my eyes were able to register; her deep chocolate brown eyes. Her pale heart shaped face.

She was exactly the same Bella that had appeared in my dreams, the same but yet different.

Different because this was the actual Bella standing in front of me. Her heart which beated beneath her rip cage was genuine. I gulped, all the fustration and anger faded from my mind in that same instint. Everything was gone from my mind, it was just Bella and me; like it should be.

Like it was in the woods those hours ago.

"Bel-la" I gasped, my voice weak as I remained forced paralyzed in the same position.

The distant between her and I was merely painful.

First time to mind was she only came to make sure I was okay, not to talk at all.

In seconds I thought it so much that was all I believed.

How could I believe or re-think it'll be anything different.

''J-aa-cob'', she mumbled her eyes never budging away from mine.

Still, in the small distant it became clear she'd be crying. It was so obvious to me.

_Don't say it Bella. _

_Please, I beg you._

_Love me back, allow me to never stop loving you, kiss me again Bella, I wish you would, I wish I was the one marrying you, that should be me, we should be on our journey of deciding on baby names. The lot. _

_Please Bella, say you love me to. _


	8. You Are My Forever

_**You are my forever**_

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
>Cause I know that you feel me somehow<br>You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.._

And all I can taste is this moment  
>And all I can breathe is your life..<p>

_**I'd give up forever for you.**_

I raised a hand lightly down a little upon the door handle. My heart stopped as the door closed, squeaking I didn't expect caused my jump half way in. Biting down against my bottom lip as I noticed him I felt my heart break right in that second. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. If anything I was that bit thankful he happened to be asleep, I didn't want the look on my face, the shock to be seen and shock him even more.

His breathing filled the room. To not remember how it felt was impossible, it was extremely warm. Affectionate. Soothing.

Though as I stared, it was noticing him stirring that instantly caused every nerve in my body to rush towards his side. Never thinking it through beforehand. I knew he needed me, I just hadn't realized before now how much I needed him.

The pure honest way of looking at it. In the end a choice would make me loose him anyway. Though I refused to let it get that far. Blinded by what I had loved more than anything, struck with the idea of love, lost. To consumed with Edward. Dismissal of everything else. Blinded by what was there from the very start.

My view shifted slightly, I gulped as I inhaled a breath, and the situation had sunk down so slowly had I wasn't far from tears. Causing my eyes to stare up towards the wall above me, I inhaled a breath once more.

With effort as I roughly ran a hand against my locks, I was no longer in denial.

I realized also how much perhaps I needed the possibilities, all the what ifs that wasn't an option before now. But could be, for us. Soon.

No more than a half second passed, and my feet dragged beneath the wooden floor taking a seat beside Jacob.

He didn't deserve this. What happened, why him?

I gulped as without thinking it through a hand lifted from my side, three fingers pressed limply, helplessly against his upper arm and he gasped, sharp and instant causing every nerve in my body to ache.

_Dammit, don't wake don't wake. _

I couldn't deny that of course the part of me that wanted him to was very much present. Though I felt selfish for it, he needed the rest.

I pressed my fingers towards his, grapping his hand into the depths of mine. Both of my eyes shuddered to a closing. The pain left its cracks.

Not even the smallest part of a second passed and I watched him stir another time.

I hadn't realized his eyes were opening as I stared down, at our hands.

It was such an automatic reaction that I hadn't regretted. I didn't regret what I was about to do. I wouldn't.

Though when I did realize and hear his slight groan as he attempted to move my view shifted instantly.

''Sssh, it is just me.'' I hushed, my fingers stroking his thumb as my view caught his.

I watched as his eyes instantly caught me holding his hand. Then traced my eyes, questioning me.

He looked up to me finally, blinked and then stared. We watched one another's expression as the room's atmosphere finally touched us.

The last time I saw Jacob was an hour or so ago. The battle had just ended though in a turn off events, something went wrong and I was witness to what happened to Jacob. I stood lifeless rushing, sprinting to his side in the moment of despair and shock. Begging in my head he'll be okay. Begging aloud for him to breath. My hopeless sobs turned into desperate low screams begging him to breath.

It was then I was still forced to keep it cool. Pull myself together as I stayed behind, clinging to the dirt on the rubble watching him be taken away, all alone. Broken hurt and I couldn't leave with him.

The last time I was alone with Jacob it was prior to the battle. Emotions were on a high and in the moments of nerves and realizing this could be it, I kissed him for another time. I cried imagining I might never see him again. I knew exactly what I had done that time and I wanted it.

I was really woken up to the reality that stayed truthfully well hidden from me.

I watched as his eyes questioned me more intently, so many questions, not the chance for him to ask them. There would be no confusion after I spoke.

"Bel-la" He gasped, his voice weak, squeezing my fingers causing me to nod instantly.

There was still hope in those eyes, it was so impossible not to notice.

''Ssh, it's okay, I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner''

New worry sprinted into the mask he had been wearing and it scared me.

I could only imagine what he must be thinking right now. Or as he was carried away earlier, and I didn't follow. Not that I had a choice in that.

I stroked his cheek with the tips of my fingers causing his eyes to close. I inhaled a breath and sighed more contently than before.

I understood the words I would speak (not that I really knew where to begin) would clear up everything.

I understood they were the opposite to anything he would prepare himself for; he would not be expecting any of this.

I understood the reason behind the utter' pain in his eyes before they closed and prior to my mouth opening.

I understood why I felt like crying, why I was in tears the journey here, before that and why the more I thought about it, I understood why my eyes shook with the emotion that desired no more than to spill over and there was no doubting they would any second.

And I understood the painful heartbreak I caused this man. It was evident he shut his eyes for a reason. He couldn't listen to me as I spoke.

My hand rested upon his cheek, the opposite hand squeezing his tightly against my own.

''It's okay'' I hushed, gulping back my own tears.

Though it was his hand that tugged on mine this time, he shook his head, rolling his eyes and moved away from my direction.

It killed me.

''it isn't' okay'' He looked up to me finally, blinked and then stared as his broken words screamed emotion.

He touched my cheek; I grabbed my hand and held it where he had pressed it against my skin.

I felt my heart constrict as Jacob's eyes welled with unshed tears, but as his mouth opened to say something. My finger instantly moved against his bottom lip and my head shook in an automatic state.

It was so important he listened and nothing would be said until I spoke the real truth.

''this is not what you think, Jake, please listen – please'' I pleaded my voice no more than a whisper.

''Jacob'' there was a chocked gasp as my vision became impaired.

I understood as the tears ran past his cheeks suddenly. My heart ached instantly.

The ability of speech was impaired even more as he spoke.

''please don't say goodbye, I beg you Bells'' he mumbled in sobs.

I panicked it was important I made him understand now.

''I have no intention of any goodbyes Jake'' his body felt frozen, practically paralyzed as I spoke.

''not to you'' I added as a slow and helpless sigh left my half parted lips as I moved closer towards him. Returning his hand tight upon my own.

''I am going nowhere.. Jacob Black I love you, I love you a lot more than I realized''

What I felt was my heart. Heartbeats. My heart beat was racing hard. Really hard. As I looked down once more my eyes followed to my hands, his hands, together. I smiled brightly at the vision I was getting. I really was woken up. I then squeezed his hand gently making sure it was real.

His expression showed hope though it dropped as I stopped to examine him

He was awaiting ''a.. but.. ''

A second passed, a moment and I sighed and closed my eyes.

'' I was wrong, I know that now –since last year, I've been trapped in the what if's, if I had listened to you and stayed and not left with Alice. But I couldn't let him get killed, whether he was in my life or not: living with that it would destroy me''

I was distracted for a short moment, this time he squeezed my hand. And tightly, I didn't come here with a script I learned off heart to repeat to him. It was all happening right now and for once I was not holding back and just felt.

My view looked back. Once again I watched as his eyes moved over my face, my eyes. In a way attempting to see what was next. Or read something from my expression. Which was god knows what right now let's be honest.

'' I loved you then, although I was incredibly selfish then, it seemed impossible to fix me, to allow you fully in my life like that, to make me happy when I could barely get up in the morning and fix myself. It was so selfish to count on you like I did but I'll always be incredibly thankful Jake.''

'' you're my best-friend. – '' I shuddered in my comment freezing, witnessing his expression drop

_Bestfriend _

'' I don't deserve you, I don't deserve the amount of love you have for me, and you do not deserve any more pain, you never deserved it –''

He froze moving his fingers towards the side of my eye causing it to close instantly. Breathing as I tilted my head, smiling ever so slightly but enough to be noticed. I swallowed hard and kept into his hold, if not more as his entire hand cradled my face into his palm.

'' I changed everything a hour ago you see Jacob, I changed everything earlier by asking you to kiss me, things changed, I repeated three words and I meant it''

'' I love you, I do and I'd do anything to make you happy, to never allow myself to stop loving you and have a very long human life_, a life together, _just you and me and I want that''

I thought about that for a moment.

Along with all I said, word by word, the lot I honestly meant every bit. It brought me a bit of comfort that I didn't regret or rush to correct a word I spoke so confidently down to him.

His head yanked towards me '' I am entirely sorry for everything, I was wrong before, so much so that no amount of words could begin to explain it to you as much as I wish it was possible to tell you how wrong I was. , I can promise you this now -

Tears swelled beneath my eyes as my heart sank entirely and my voice became that bit more clearly allowing my next statement to be heard and very clear

''I will never allow there to be one second that you won't realize how much I love you Jacob Black''

''not anymore''

His hand angled my face close to his as I took a breath – '' because you are my life, you've always been my life, I've just been so blind before, but maybe the positive in that was that it made what we have stronger – '' I paused his fingers moving me that bit closer '' I will prove to you that you are what I want, and the life we will built together will be only ours, from now on, I need you to believe everything will be better, because I love you so muc—''

With that I was silenced but not before Jacob let out an emotional sob, pulling me practically on top, or in some position that left me making sure I didn't hurt him.

Our views caught at once, a sigh of completely relief left and this atmosphere really hit. It made me smile and burst into tears all at once.

It was evident I made him speechless, I hoped in that small second it wouldn't be the last time I'd make him speechless like this.

I pressed my lips against his tears and cradled his face into my palms this time, '' it has always been you Jacob, it always will be now''

The words left my mouth in a whisper, especially the last words I spoke

_It always will be now _

I made sure I was face to face with the man I changed everything for as I spoke, watching everything.

How he was still sobbing tears, catching mine in the process.

Attempting to inhale it all in. believe this was really happening.

I was so proud of this. Yes I was in shock myself for the obvious reasons but this right now, it was the way it was meant to be all along and I'd never ever regret this.

I watched as he struggled to open and close his mouth, desiring no more than to speak, say everything but I had taken away his voice – and the shock was so evident.

How he was smiling for the first time probably in a very long time. And that alone showed me I did the right thing. Along with everything else.

That I changed everything for the right reasons.

I pressed myself to him, hugging him so closely and his hands cradled the skin above my shirt on my back.

I watched as he whispered my name, our lips edging that bit closer, before I took the step to end the last space.

Jacob's mouth met mine in a huge exchange of comfort, gain, love and passion. The first and only thing that was showing so noticeable for a long time in a first real, _this is it, kiss for us, _was the smile against each other's mouths that hid more than the one time.

I was very careful though, not to hurt him, though it was so clear he didn't seem to care as he made sure I never moved. Nor was I going to.

I kissed every inch of his lips. He traced every inch of mine.

The smiling was so obvious against one anothers lips. Or as we broke for a breath and staired at one another before it started again.

My hands took his cheek, stroking his skin with my thumb so slowly. So softly and all whilst I was getting more breathless by the seconds.

I didn't care, nor did he, I wasn't stopping. He better not.

This was much more than another peck on the lips or a spare of the moment passionate kiss. It was all so much more than that.

Right now, this was Bella and Jacob, two best-friends breaking down as they finally seal the love that they have for one another and this was the moment we would never look back.

My life as most life's revolved around things.. Loss , pain but mostly Undescirable love. And I don't mean the kind you fall in love with as you glimpse past pages beyond never-ending pages of fairytales. Fictional books, not all true stories because love, life, the ones you fall in love with by reading most of the excitement is because its made up. Real love, true stories back in the old age anyway ends in loss, pain, death. Misery. Sometimes. I guess I'd always an open mind. But that didn't mean I was in the slightest way, an open book. Though proved a very fragile one. As many, I learned that the hard not so easy very painful way. Days , seconds, the months dragged until my life was slowly rebutted, put back into the order before anyone had left. Piece by piece I got back myself. There's a pressing reason why things remain in the past. That was one of them.

Hours ago would now be the past.

''I love you so much'' he mumbled right against the kiss, and it instantly caused the beam right against the next kiss.

As the kiss started it was broken. We were left speechless panting and beaming from head to toe.

His mouth moved towards my ear, kissing every path from my cheek, to my nose before shutting both eyes with a gentle peck, landing and staying close to my ear.

''this is it'' I sighed with such relief and in such content that as I forced his eyes back to mine I smiled like I never stopped

''this is us'' and although it was a start, it was us.

As easy as breathing. The life and path my life was meant to take and had thankfully.

He held on me was a tight and gentle as earlier but loosened that bit, I wasn't going anywhere.

He knew that now and no magic made this happen.

Jacob's eyes closed slowly, breathing deeply as I buried my face against his cheek, taking most of my weight off him and deciding on pressing it against the mattress, sitting on my side was a better option.

''Oh My Bella, tell me this is real''

His mumbles against my shoulder made a smile break out against my lips without any effort what so ever. So easily I stroked his cheek and watched as his eyes turned beside me, finally looking back.

There was more hope than ever before in those eyes.

And it wasn't about to fade as I spoke, ''this is real, that I can promise you'', my whispers were low but it was obvious as his hand closest to mine pulled me closer that he heard every word.

Jacob's head buried into my shoulder this time and engulfed a breath, it was heavy and as he let out a sob of utter relief. ''I'm never going to let you go, no matter what you realize?''

This time though I shifted upwards ever so slightly, I didn't respond though as I leaned down prior to touching his lips with mine. Seconds from collision. A smile, a proud beam smacked across my lips ''I hope you realize that I meant everything, I love you Jacob, I'm extremely proud of you and so thankful, this isn't a spare of the moment thing, this is the start of something that I'm never giving up on. This is one chapter and you've no idea how much I mean this, I am doing this for you, for us because I love you''

And this time he was the one to shut me up. Stop my stairs for a few seconds anyway. His hand burned a path towards the skin against the back of my neck. Pulling me all the way down and this time there wasn't any staring or teasing for a kiss.

My lips caught his immediately, straightaway responding in the way that felt more than right.

Because this right now, all of it. This was more than right and the relief of what I done was slowly sinking that bit more.

I loved him.

I done the right thing.

_**I spend a couple of days on this chapter. I hope I didn't disappoint and thanks for the great reviews, I can't promise a new and amazing chapter every day. But I can promise as soon as I've time I'll be working on it and posting it as soon as I can. Please review. Please please. **_

_**Thank you for reading and for everyone who has my story on alert and marked as favourite.**_

_**This is my first fanfiction and it means a lot to me. I've plans for more fanfictions I've ideas that are important so right now I'll draft ideas and work on it but until I'm happy with my writing and the way it'll go, I'll post more then. **_

_**Though this story isn't over. **_

_**One or two more chapters coming. **_

_**Thanks for reading, please review**_

_**Hope you like it – Kellie. (:**_


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